Patrick Dawlish

( Application for PATRICK DAWLISH )

[WARDED TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY]

Merlin, the crazies are out tonight.

The last one broke my favourite tea cup. The funky shaped one with the big chip in the side that looks like a pair of tits? Yeah, that one. That thing was irreplaceable. Crazy bint. No wonder her husband's going to bang her sister like a screen door in a hurricane.

[/END WARD]

A friendly public service announcement: It's not my fault if your future sucks arse. Have a nice night.

[WARDED TO NATHAN KETTERIDGE]

Hey, so.

I just remembered that Phe's birthday is on Saturday. I figured I'd check to see if you were planning something for her before I figure out exactly what I'm going to pull out of my arse at the last second.

[/END WARD]

[WARDED TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY]

I don't usually Okay, I know this is out of the ordinary, but whatever. Desperate times and all that shit. If any of you want a free reading sometime soon - a real one, not the shit I feed the punters - let me know. A lot of times, my dream prophecies aren't clear enough to figure out who they belong to without something in person making the leap for me, so who knows. I might have valuable info rattling around in this skull of mine.

No pressure.

[/END WARD]

The people in Godric's Hollow are really nice. This is the third time this month that I've gotten unsolicited directions to the nearest homeless shelter. The last guy even gave me a galleon.

Well, he tossed it into my coffee cup. Same thing, right?




Might be about time for a haircut.

Maybe.

For curiosity's sake...where's the best place in Godric's Hollow to meet a girl with questionable morals and low standards?

Cheap liquor and non-shitty music would be a plus.

[WARDED TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY]

Hey, so, some of you know this story, but whatever. I’ve been to Godric’s Hollow twice. Both times, I had a raging bitch of a headache pretty much the entire bloody time. I don’t know if I’m allergic to that goddamn town or if something big is going to happen there and my “gift” just isn’t ponying up the goods yet. Whatever it is, it sucks arse.

And, that’s where the circus is going next month, so. If April turns out to be ‘the month Patrick was a GIANT WHINGY TWAT’…don’t say I didn’t warn you.

[/END WARD]

[WARDED TO CHARLIE LONGBOTTOM]

How's your brother coming along? Conscious and, sort of, writing is good.

Also, I just got my hands on the sweetest, most magnificent herb ever to be grown on this planet. I'm talking sit down and have a cuppa with God Almighty herb here, Chuck. Thought you should know.

[/END WARD]

All right, you lot, help settle a friendly wager. Who would win in a drunken pub brawl? A one-legged hippogriff with a gimpy wing or a toothless declawed griffin. Also, what the fuck are they fighting about?

[Added later, after changing toothless to declawed.]
I meant to do that. I was testing you all. Points to my sister for paying attention.

[WARDED TO FRIENDS]

I was just going to spend it, but So Dung's entry has me squinting at this bucket of galleons I found and seeing as some of you are like, responsible and shit, I'm wondering what you think I should do with it. There wasn't anybody around where I found it, just to be clear. And it looks real.

I was going to buy a tonne of snacks, to be honest. And maybe an Asphodel, since it's not like I can afford one normally and they'll be in flowering season soon.

Mostly just food, though.

[/END WARD]

It's not just me, right?

Last few days in Weston, folks. Come one, come all, something something SOMETHING. I don't remember the spiel, okay? It's moving, though. It moves you right off your lazy arses and straight out to Nero's Magnificent Circus. BENDY ladies --and blokes too, if that's more your speed. Innncredible animals! Feats of STRENGTH! Bearded women and flying...people! Oh, and there might be a clown or two. Look, there's lots of amazing things, right? Including yours truly, who will blow your goddamn mind. So, get on it.

Oh, and if you have any licorice, could you come out tonight and bring me some? Mad cravings over here. Wicked, thanks! Pip pip or some shit.

[WARDED TO CIRCUS, FRIENDS & FAMILY]

Had a dream I got my arse kicked by a kangaroo in a wedding dress.

So.

If you see one standing around, looking shifty, give us a yell, yeah?

[/END WARD]

[WARDED TO OPHELIA KETTERIDGE]

When are you going to come out for another visit, Mrs. Ketteridge? Gonna let me give you a reading? I promise I’ll only tell you the good stuff this time. I won't even charge you.

[/END WARD]